Update: Back to the writing board

It's been a few weeks, but the same day I sent my query and posted my last blog entry, I heard back from the agent. She thanked me for my candor and agreed with the other agents' thoughts on the setup of my book and passed on it as it's written now. (She didn't read the full I submitted; she passed based on the info I told her in my email.) I was afraid that would happen, and I was super bummed when I got the message. At first. But then something occurred to me, and I got hopeful again.

Here's an email I sent to a coworker/friend who also dreams of publishing a novel (the subject line read IDIOT!):

 

That’s me.

SHE PASSED. Sob!

I sat here, about ready to throw up, feeling so pissed at myself for being such a complete idiot, all those HOURS AND HOURS editing when I should have been rewriting, berating myself mercilessly that I’ve had three agents interested and then reject it because of my setup.

I was all, “That’s IT! I’m done. I’m a failure. F%&* it!”

And then I recalled the part of her email that said if I wanted to rework it, to be free to come back her way.

That, my friend, is an R&R.

So, putting the quote on my wall into action – “To get what you want, you have to do what it takes” – I pulled myself up and IMMEDIATELY started drafting up notes about how I can get [my characters] to connect.

And I think I’ve got it.

Here we go again …

Yep, I'm back to the rewriting stage, but I'm excited about it. And I can't regret the path I took in submitting this project as is, because I may not have come up with the same rewrite notes six or seven months ago when I embarked on my fifth edit. Plus, if I had submitted without mentioning the feedback, chances are I would have received the same feedback again and a closed door. As it is, I have an invitation not just to re-query, but to resubmit.

I responded to the agent with the following:

Thanks for your message, ((agent name)). I was afraid that would happen, but I just couldn't, with good conscience, not mention the feedback I'd recently received.

 

I hope to query you with an updated version in the months ahead.

 

Warm regards,

 

To which she replied, "Take your time. Would love to see when done!"

 

I've been letting things simmer for a bit, jotting down notes and scenarios as they pop into my head, and I think I'm finally ready to jump in. I'm hoping the rewrite goes as smoothly as it's been going in my head (HA!).

 

It's out!

Whew! I finally got my full submitted. I wish I could relax, but right now I'm a nervous wreck. Because I was honest with this agent about some feedback I received, and I'm so worried that she'll change her mind.

But honesty's the best policy, right? RIGHT?

Ugh.

What I was afraid of was that I'd keep quiet about the agent feedback and send out the full and then receive the same feedback and the door would shut and that'd be that.

What I was hoping was that this agent would still read my ms, and if she ends up agreeing with the other agents, she might respond with an R&R rather than a flat-out rejection.

But what do I know!?

I'm sick to my stomach that I may have possibly given this agent an out before she's even read one word.

The nice thing is that she followed up with me regarding her initial request, and I told her I was editing based on a comment an agent just made (he had my first three chapters and synopsis). She was fine with waiting. I felt that the follow-up was a good sign. Have I just blown it now? WITH HONESTY?!

Or should I have just taken the agents' advice and simply revised the ms? Well, I might have, but I got the second feedback two days after I got the full request. I really wasn't sure how to handle it.

Obviously.

There's nothing I can do right now, so I should just sign off and get some sleep. If she passes, she passes, and I'll know there's a flaw in my ms that is going to continue to keep it from getting repped. If she still decides to give it a read, I'll do a happy dance and chill the heck out!

Oh, and those five emails that I'd been ignoring? They became 13 by the time I read them. One was the follow-up from the agent who now has my full, three were newsletters (two from agencies, one from WD), and the rest were rejections. But I must say, this was the NICEST group of rejections I think I've ever gotten. I'll share tidbits another time; right now I need to get away from the computer and breathe.

Wish me luck!!

Burnt. Out.

Have you ever decided you were going to do something, like, say, work out, and you jump into it full force and you work out every day and you're totally into it and you're enjoying it ... but then you start to get a little sore and it becomes less fun and starts being annoying and you don't look forward to your workout times anymore and then it's all a pain in your @$$?

Yeah. I think I did that with my querying.

Okay, no, it's not a pain in my at-sign-double-dollar-sign, but I think I've burnt myself out. Any free moment I had, if I wasn't actually sending out queries, I was researching agents - reading their agency websites, taking notes about their clients, making sure I understood their submission requirements. Not only did I query dozens of agents (I may even have sent queries to some of their office pets just to cover all my bases), but I also started following any agents on my query list who are on Twitter and a few who have Facebook pages, and then I also started following publishing magazines and websites, and before I knew it, I was drowning in the literary/publishing business.

And it started to become less fun.

Even going through my ms again is becoming drudgery. I still have that full request hanging out there, but I got some feedback from an agent who requested a partial, so I'm trying to spiff it up before I send it out, but editing TAKES FOREVER!

I'm not sure I conveyed that properly.

EDITING TAKES FOREVER!!!!!

Okay. Better.

I'm not giving up. But I am taking it down a notch. Because girlfriend went a little nuts.

I knew there was a problem when my Yahoo email indicator indicated that I had a new email waiting for me, and I couldn't bring myself to look at it. (I have a Yahoo email account set up just for queries, so I know it's query related.) For five days now, the indicator has been telling me that I have five new emails, and ... I. Can't. Look.

Hopefully in the next couple days I'll get my full sent out, and then Ima chill for a bit. The agency wants a seven- to eight-week exclusive anyway, so that'll be a nice excuse to take a step back. Enjoy the last few weeks of summer. Hang out with my kids. READ A BOOK!

I have a couple other ideas that I'd like to start working on as well, though right now, the idea of outlining and writing a first draft is a bit overwhelming. Like, sickeningly overwhelming. It's a lot of work.

Why do I put myself through this? I could walk away from this whole thing right now. I don't HAVE to write anymore stories.

But I do.

Another request!

So. I was feeling discouraged, burnt out, a little query fatigued. I was still irked about the rejection I mentioned the other day, though I know I shouldn't take it so personally. Agents don't owe us any explanations, and I should just be happy to have an answer. (Still. Can't it be a nice-ish answer?) (Okay, let's not get me started.)

I sent out a few queries this afternoon. An agent tweeted about the summer being a slower time for her, so if anyone was thinking about querying her, they should do it. She happened to be on my list, so I sent my query out. A couple hours later, her name showed up in my inbox, and I thought, "Oh, great! The person who proclaimed that she has lots of time to read queries/pages has decided to not even read mine!" But nope ... it was her auto-response. Whew!

Then, an hour or so later, I got an email from an agent I had just queried a couple hours earlier. I've had experience with some super-quick rejections, so I opened the message with some trepidation.

"This sounds so wonderful ..." it began, and my rejection-addled brain finished the sentence for me "... but it's just not right for my list."

But wait. That's not what it said.

Not " ... but I'm not the right agent."

Not " ... but I'm going to pass."

It said, "... and we're very happy to consider."

Honestly, I was a bit too stunned to do anything for a bit. Then I realized.

I just got a request for my full manuscript.

Well ... that's good. (See? I told you I was stunned.)

After I finally got up to speed, I was excited and thrilled. And I AM excited and thrilled. Someone not only liked my idea, but also liked the way I presented it enough to want to invest some time and consider my full manuscript!

So. Happy.

But with an ever-present low hum of anxiety. Sigh.

Once I hit "Send" it's out of my control. I'm just going to be positive and enjoy this ride and give it my very best.

"Not for us, thanks."

That was it. That's all it said.

I don't know about you, but that irked me.

Yes, I KNOW that literary agents are beyond busy. And I KNOW that their first priority is with their current clients. And I also can imagine how tiring it must be to slog through dozens and dozens of email submissions from wannabes like me.

But four words? That's all you can muster in response to my query? The query that I spent several days researching, editing, proofreading ... and then several more days researching, editing and proofreading again?

Rejections suck, but those kind words written by several other agents reminding me that the profession is subjective and that I should persevere and find an agent who is enthusiastic about my work and will champion it as it should be championed? They help. Even though I know it's a form, the words are kind, and they anticipate that I'm going to be disappointed and they try to soften the blow.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive because I've had about six rejections this week. It just rubbed me the wrong way.

Partial request!

I got online tonight to post my query score card, but when my home page came up, my little Yahoo mail indicator showed that I had two new emails. One was an auto-response and the other? A partial request! Finally!

I'm excited but so incredibly nervous. It's out of my control, so I just need to do my very best and put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. I think I'm just afraid to get my hopes up.

BTW, the score card: 35 queries out, 11 rejections, 1 partial request.

Break time

Okay, I just checked my Query Tracker list, and I have 36 queries out. This weekend, when there was a free moment, I was on this computer researching; then last night, I did a querying blitz of sorts. I realized, however, that I shouldn't be sending out huge batches at one time; what if I get some feedback that makes  my query or my synopsis or my story better? Then I've got all these other queries out there that won't have the benefit of becoming better.

So, I'm going to take a break from the actual sending. I'll still cull my list of agents, including the ones who rejected my ms during the first go-round. Most of the agents I queried stated that they definitely respond, usually between four and eight weeks. Now that the holiday weekend is done, I hope to hear back from a few within the next couple weeks.