A record?

Wow ... it just got real! :)

I sent a query yesterday using an agency's new online form (which was pretty cool, btw). I got a confirmation email at 7:10 p.m. OK, good.

At 8:05 p.m., I got a rejection.

OK, not so good!

Yes, it was a bummer. A reminder of how the query process can zing you.

I spent about 3-1/2 seconds feeling super bummed out and then I got real and moved on. Because, of course there is going to be rejection. Which sucks.

But the cool thing: A real-life agent read my query.

I'm out there, baby! :)

Burnt. Out.

Have you ever decided you were going to do something, like, say, work out, and you jump into it full force and you work out every day and you're totally into it and you're enjoying it ... but then you start to get a little sore and it becomes less fun and starts being annoying and you don't look forward to your workout times anymore and then it's all a pain in your @$$?

Yeah. I think I did that with my querying.

Okay, no, it's not a pain in my at-sign-double-dollar-sign, but I think I've burnt myself out. Any free moment I had, if I wasn't actually sending out queries, I was researching agents - reading their agency websites, taking notes about their clients, making sure I understood their submission requirements. Not only did I query dozens of agents (I may even have sent queries to some of their office pets just to cover all my bases), but I also started following any agents on my query list who are on Twitter and a few who have Facebook pages, and then I also started following publishing magazines and websites, and before I knew it, I was drowning in the literary/publishing business.

And it started to become less fun.

Even going through my ms again is becoming drudgery. I still have that full request hanging out there, but I got some feedback from an agent who requested a partial, so I'm trying to spiff it up before I send it out, but editing TAKES FOREVER!

I'm not sure I conveyed that properly.

EDITING TAKES FOREVER!!!!!

Okay. Better.

I'm not giving up. But I am taking it down a notch. Because girlfriend went a little nuts.

I knew there was a problem when my Yahoo email indicator indicated that I had a new email waiting for me, and I couldn't bring myself to look at it. (I have a Yahoo email account set up just for queries, so I know it's query related.) For five days now, the indicator has been telling me that I have five new emails, and ... I. Can't. Look.

Hopefully in the next couple days I'll get my full sent out, and then Ima chill for a bit. The agency wants a seven- to eight-week exclusive anyway, so that'll be a nice excuse to take a step back. Enjoy the last few weeks of summer. Hang out with my kids. READ A BOOK!

I have a couple other ideas that I'd like to start working on as well, though right now, the idea of outlining and writing a first draft is a bit overwhelming. Like, sickeningly overwhelming. It's a lot of work.

Why do I put myself through this? I could walk away from this whole thing right now. I don't HAVE to write anymore stories.

But I do.

Another request!

So. I was feeling discouraged, burnt out, a little query fatigued. I was still irked about the rejection I mentioned the other day, though I know I shouldn't take it so personally. Agents don't owe us any explanations, and I should just be happy to have an answer. (Still. Can't it be a nice-ish answer?) (Okay, let's not get me started.)

I sent out a few queries this afternoon. An agent tweeted about the summer being a slower time for her, so if anyone was thinking about querying her, they should do it. She happened to be on my list, so I sent my query out. A couple hours later, her name showed up in my inbox, and I thought, "Oh, great! The person who proclaimed that she has lots of time to read queries/pages has decided to not even read mine!" But nope ... it was her auto-response. Whew!

Then, an hour or so later, I got an email from an agent I had just queried a couple hours earlier. I've had experience with some super-quick rejections, so I opened the message with some trepidation.

"This sounds so wonderful ..." it began, and my rejection-addled brain finished the sentence for me "... but it's just not right for my list."

But wait. That's not what it said.

Not " ... but I'm not the right agent."

Not " ... but I'm going to pass."

It said, "... and we're very happy to consider."

Honestly, I was a bit too stunned to do anything for a bit. Then I realized.

I just got a request for my full manuscript.

Well ... that's good. (See? I told you I was stunned.)

After I finally got up to speed, I was excited and thrilled. And I AM excited and thrilled. Someone not only liked my idea, but also liked the way I presented it enough to want to invest some time and consider my full manuscript!

So. Happy.

But with an ever-present low hum of anxiety. Sigh.

Once I hit "Send" it's out of my control. I'm just going to be positive and enjoy this ride and give it my very best.

"Not for us, thanks."

That was it. That's all it said.

I don't know about you, but that irked me.

Yes, I KNOW that literary agents are beyond busy. And I KNOW that their first priority is with their current clients. And I also can imagine how tiring it must be to slog through dozens and dozens of email submissions from wannabes like me.

But four words? That's all you can muster in response to my query? The query that I spent several days researching, editing, proofreading ... and then several more days researching, editing and proofreading again?

Rejections suck, but those kind words written by several other agents reminding me that the profession is subjective and that I should persevere and find an agent who is enthusiastic about my work and will champion it as it should be championed? They help. Even though I know it's a form, the words are kind, and they anticipate that I'm going to be disappointed and they try to soften the blow.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive because I've had about six rejections this week. It just rubbed me the wrong way.