So close ...

I've been taking advantage of the long holiday weekend (and my kiddos' desire to just stay home, lie around and chill) to complete the final edits. The main edit is done, and now I'm finishing up the search and deletion/revision of filler words - really, very, that, etc.

The surprising thing is I've cut almost 150 words just with this final clean-up. Impressive. And depressing, for two reasons:

1) Why do I put all that fluff in there to begin with?
2) It brought my ms under 62,000 words. I liked being just over 62,000 words. It felt good. For some reason, 61,900-something just doesn't have the same zing.

I know. I'm weird.

I'm assuming I'll be done (are we ever really "done"?) today. I'll allow myself about five minutes to celebrate before I get to work on a redraft of my query letter. I got some amazing advice from a good friend and great writer ( http://purdyandwordy.com/my-books/ ) so I'll be diving back into that.

I have a short list ready for some initial queries. It'd been awhile since I was on Query Tracker, and I was overwhelmed at first. How did I research agents before? How did I narrow the list down? I remembered using Agent Query as well, but now did I reconcile between the two sites?

Eventually, it all came back to me, and out of an initial list of 17 agents who represent YA, I have seven to query and two to possibly query. And I just noticed as I was counting up how many agents I have listed that one of them requires a synopsis. Sigh.

I mentioned in a tweet that new story ideas have been popping up in my head the last few weeks. It's exciting and overwhelming. Starting again with a blank page and crafting a new story? Whew. But I've done it twice so far. And I love it.

Rough drafts = Yoda-speak

OK, so ... I'm editing this weekend (HURRAY!) - and killing it, I might add - when I discovered this gem in my copy:

“So … who are you to your prom going with?”

Wow. Really?  

A fine example of the brain working faster than fingers can type. And a lesson on how careful proofreading can help you avoid embarrassingly mangled dialogue such as this. 

Unless, of course, you actually are writing a story about Yoda in high school. 

OK, where was I?

Remember back, over a month ago, when I was full of great editing ideas and had conflicts and choices and consequences pouring from my brain?

Well, life got in the way, and I just opened my ms and was all, "Huh?"

Dammit. That stinks. Got to get that momentum back.

Luckily, I'm an obsessive note-taker, so I'll get back on track.

(It didn't help that I just spent an hour getting some random person's email and phone number off my Blogger/Google account. GRRR.)

It also doesn't help when I'm feeling so burnt out that I can't even think of staring at my computer screen for a moment longer. (I'm a proofreader/editor by day.) But those times that I've persevered and powered through that feeling have been some of my most productive edits.

So ... I'll wrap this up because there is no work assignment waiting, no kid activity to go to, no Red Wings game on TV ...

Query letters ... sigh

I have such a love/hate relationship with query letters.

I love them because writing one shows me where my story is lacking.

I hate them because writing one shows me where my story is lacking.

And that's where I am right now. I'd learn during my last ms to write out a draft query at the beginning of the writing process to ensure that my outline is on track.

The issue is that my story ended up taking some of its own twists and turns.

I think the most surprising thing for me now as I review choices and conflict and consequences is this: The character I'd assumed is my protagonist is NOT the protagonist.

Weird.

In fact, not only is she not the protagonist but she barely makes a decision for herself throughout the entire story.

And THAT is a surefire way to annoy every single reader and ensure no one gives a crap about her whatsoever.

Sigh.

The story is told in first person from two points of view. I'd figured she would be the "main" protagonist with the second person having his own decisions to make. Kind of two protagonists with their own stories that overlap, and each influencing the other's decisions.

But that's not really how it turned out. She influences him, and he definitely makes a decision. But any decisions she needed to make end up kind of being made for her. It's weird. And not what I meant to happen.

Not a deal-breaker. I can work with this. It was my first draft, after all. I didn't expect it to be perfect and submission ready right off the bat.

I'm back!

Wow ... it's been a long time since I've been here! Almost two years, is that right?

Well, the manuscript I was working on back then has become my "resting in a drawer" ms. I'd always heard that the first ms is often squirreled away, never to see the light of day, and it turns out to be true in my case.

In the end, the story didn't work. I tried to force characters into situations that didn't fit them, and the story ended up being dated and contrived.

Two agents read the whole thing: one read a very early (and I'm sure, truly awful) manuscript, and the second read the last version. She had some good things to say, but it was mostly bad news, and so I put it to bed.

One agent read a partial, and his main comment that stuck with me was that I tend to tell rather than show.

Ugh. I hate that.

But I do see it in all of my first drafts. I've discussed this with my writer friends. I tend to write down the scene as I picture it playing in my head, so a first draft of a scene is TEDIOUS with detail.

She stands up. 

She walks over to wear he's sitting. 

She puts one hand on her hip and says, .... 

BOOOOORING!

All that crap usually gets slashed during editing/rewriting.

I learned SO MUCH with that first ms.

This second one should be much, much better.

The second one is a genre I'd never thought I'd write: young adult. In between the first and this second complete ms, I toyed around with another story that never went anywhere. I had intended it to be another women's fiction, but the characters' voices felt very young to me.

So ... I changed gears. The characters in my new story are in high school/early college.

And it's kind of romance-y. I'm not sure I can call it a full-on "YA romance" but it has a romantic bent.

I officially typed the first draft's last words late last night.

I actually sat there in front of my computer for a couple of minutes, staring at the screen and wondering if I actually just completed it.

I did. :)

And now, I have lots of work ahead of me: editing, rewriting and agent research.

Of course, I'll query the agents who requested my ms in the past, assuming they represent YA.

But other than that, I have to start my agent list from scratch.

As for editing: I really need to look at my female lead's story ... I fear she's missing some tension, or maybe the tension that is there is resolved somewhat undramatically.

So, anyway ... I'm excited to have another ms finished. I've ridden the "Wow, I have some talent/Ugh, I'm a complete hack" roller coaster throughout the draft, and I'm sure I'll continue the ride during the editing process.

We'll see what happens ...

Writers sometimes have big buts

Well, my day job completely sidelined the initial manuscript rewrite by going totally insane with busy-ness. On the nights I didn't have to work overtime (I'm a proofreader and editor by day), I couldn't bear the thought of sitting behind a computer screen. I've continued to take notes on ideas as they've come to me, and it's been an interesting process.

I've lived out the phrase "kill your darlings" on a few different versions of this manuscript. The most extensive was when my manuscript came in at about 120,000 words. I knew I had to hack and slice, so I considered completely cutting a character out.

BIG BUT: I loved her rekindling relationship with her ex-husband.

BIG BUT: I loved her ex-husband.

BIG BUT: I loved their "snappy" dialogue.

BIG BUT: I loved her overwrought mother-in-law.

I eventually came to realize that she really didn't belong ... I loved too many things that were outside of her character and was kind of forcing her to be a part of the overall story. So, I did it. I hacked her out and saved her in her own little folder to possibly rework into a story all her own.

So now, I'm trying to integrate my characters' stories. I have the main characters - Character A, Character B and Character C - each with her own set of friends and families. They share a common experience, but their stories are separate, which is what the agents who have read it or want to read it don't like.

My initial game plan was to turn Character A's current best friend into Character B. Because of the story line I already established with Character B, she would end up working at Character A's husband's company. I then thought of a way, based on a story line already established for the husband's company, that I could incorporate the husband of Character C, thereby bringing her into the fold.

I was extremely pleased with how quickly I was able to come up with this solution and was raring to get started.

And then.

BIG BUT: Character A's current best friend as written has some significant personality differences from Character B. That means I will have to change tons of dialogue between A and her friend, as well as much of the old friend dynamic to make this new friendship work.

BIG BUT: Character B's current work situation as written will have to be tweaked to replace the current big boss with Character A's husband.

BIG BUT: I can easily find a way to get Character C's husband in the act, and I can clearly see how Character C will meet A and B ... but, then what? There has to be something more significant to the story than they all meet and chit chat. I think I have this figured out, but it will involve quite a bit of rewrite.

BIG BUT: Character B has a significant epiphany facilitated by her currently written best friend. I love this best friend. She is wicked cool. I don't want to simply replace her with Character A.

OMGsh. Can you just hear the whining I've done in my head?

Do you just want to kick me in my big buts?

After the whining and gnashing of teeth subsided, I realized that if I want to seriously resubmit this manuscript, it needs to be what it needs to be, not what I'm emotionally attached to it being. Instead of mourning the story lines and dialogue and witty scenes that I have to change, I'm looking forward to discovering how these characters will get to know each other and make a difference in each others' lives.

My goal is to have the rewrite done and ready to submit by the first day of spring - Thursday, March 20. 

Update: Back to the writing board

It's been a few weeks, but the same day I sent my query and posted my last blog entry, I heard back from the agent. She thanked me for my candor and agreed with the other agents' thoughts on the setup of my book and passed on it as it's written now. (She didn't read the full I submitted; she passed based on the info I told her in my email.) I was afraid that would happen, and I was super bummed when I got the message. At first. But then something occurred to me, and I got hopeful again.

Here's an email I sent to a coworker/friend who also dreams of publishing a novel (the subject line read IDIOT!):

 

That’s me.

SHE PASSED. Sob!

I sat here, about ready to throw up, feeling so pissed at myself for being such a complete idiot, all those HOURS AND HOURS editing when I should have been rewriting, berating myself mercilessly that I’ve had three agents interested and then reject it because of my setup.

I was all, “That’s IT! I’m done. I’m a failure. F%&* it!”

And then I recalled the part of her email that said if I wanted to rework it, to be free to come back her way.

That, my friend, is an R&R.

So, putting the quote on my wall into action – “To get what you want, you have to do what it takes” – I pulled myself up and IMMEDIATELY started drafting up notes about how I can get [my characters] to connect.

And I think I’ve got it.

Here we go again …

Yep, I'm back to the rewriting stage, but I'm excited about it. And I can't regret the path I took in submitting this project as is, because I may not have come up with the same rewrite notes six or seven months ago when I embarked on my fifth edit. Plus, if I had submitted without mentioning the feedback, chances are I would have received the same feedback again and a closed door. As it is, I have an invitation not just to re-query, but to resubmit.

I responded to the agent with the following:

Thanks for your message, ((agent name)). I was afraid that would happen, but I just couldn't, with good conscience, not mention the feedback I'd recently received.

 

I hope to query you with an updated version in the months ahead.

 

Warm regards,

 

To which she replied, "Take your time. Would love to see when done!"

 

I've been letting things simmer for a bit, jotting down notes and scenarios as they pop into my head, and I think I'm finally ready to jump in. I'm hoping the rewrite goes as smoothly as it's been going in my head (HA!).

 

Burnt. Out.

Have you ever decided you were going to do something, like, say, work out, and you jump into it full force and you work out every day and you're totally into it and you're enjoying it ... but then you start to get a little sore and it becomes less fun and starts being annoying and you don't look forward to your workout times anymore and then it's all a pain in your @$$?

Yeah. I think I did that with my querying.

Okay, no, it's not a pain in my at-sign-double-dollar-sign, but I think I've burnt myself out. Any free moment I had, if I wasn't actually sending out queries, I was researching agents - reading their agency websites, taking notes about their clients, making sure I understood their submission requirements. Not only did I query dozens of agents (I may even have sent queries to some of their office pets just to cover all my bases), but I also started following any agents on my query list who are on Twitter and a few who have Facebook pages, and then I also started following publishing magazines and websites, and before I knew it, I was drowning in the literary/publishing business.

And it started to become less fun.

Even going through my ms again is becoming drudgery. I still have that full request hanging out there, but I got some feedback from an agent who requested a partial, so I'm trying to spiff it up before I send it out, but editing TAKES FOREVER!

I'm not sure I conveyed that properly.

EDITING TAKES FOREVER!!!!!

Okay. Better.

I'm not giving up. But I am taking it down a notch. Because girlfriend went a little nuts.

I knew there was a problem when my Yahoo email indicator indicated that I had a new email waiting for me, and I couldn't bring myself to look at it. (I have a Yahoo email account set up just for queries, so I know it's query related.) For five days now, the indicator has been telling me that I have five new emails, and ... I. Can't. Look.

Hopefully in the next couple days I'll get my full sent out, and then Ima chill for a bit. The agency wants a seven- to eight-week exclusive anyway, so that'll be a nice excuse to take a step back. Enjoy the last few weeks of summer. Hang out with my kids. READ A BOOK!

I have a couple other ideas that I'd like to start working on as well, though right now, the idea of outlining and writing a first draft is a bit overwhelming. Like, sickeningly overwhelming. It's a lot of work.

Why do I put myself through this? I could walk away from this whole thing right now. I don't HAVE to write anymore stories.

But I do.

Stoooopid mistakes!

So ... as I'm getting some email queries sent out today, I realize that my sample pages have some bold formatting that won't matter since my email is plain text. I decide to use all caps to set off these subheadings rather than bold, and as I'm putting the letters in all caps, I notice a huge mistake. A dumb mistake. A big, huge, dumb mistake.

Before this last edit, my story had four main characters. The title of the book referred to these four characters and had the word four in it, and a couple of the section headings included the word four.

I recognized that my ms was just too long (120,000 words), so I made the decision to cut out one of the characters completely, which meant the name of book needed to change to include the word three rather than four.

Can you see where I made my mistake?

I never changed the "four" references in the section headings to "three." So ridiculous.

Imagine you're an agent ... after reading a query about three main characters and then a synopsis about three main characters, you then see a section heading that reads: Four First Days. What the? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Remember when I was talking about querying agents who mostly likely would never get back to me? At the time I remember wondering why I was taking the time to query agents who seemed super unlikely to really give me a chance. And now I know. So I can fix my mistakes in these first few queries (odd formatting, wrong words, etc.), and then send awesome queries from here on out.

One agent I recently queried mentioned on Twitter that out of the last 10 queries she's received, only three followed the guidelines somewhat, and the rest weren't even close. I did a quick review in my head about my query and then figured I did it right.

But then today, again, as I'm sending out emails, I realize that she asked for the first chapter and I sent out the first SECTION (which is three chapters). Sigh.

This is my second time around. You'd think I'd be better at this. 

Why do I put myself through this?!

'Cause deep down it's exciting, and pursuing your dream is fun.