Update: Back to the writing board

It's been a few weeks, but the same day I sent my query and posted my last blog entry, I heard back from the agent. She thanked me for my candor and agreed with the other agents' thoughts on the setup of my book and passed on it as it's written now. (She didn't read the full I submitted; she passed based on the info I told her in my email.) I was afraid that would happen, and I was super bummed when I got the message. At first. But then something occurred to me, and I got hopeful again.

Here's an email I sent to a coworker/friend who also dreams of publishing a novel (the subject line read IDIOT!):

 

That’s me.

SHE PASSED. Sob!

I sat here, about ready to throw up, feeling so pissed at myself for being such a complete idiot, all those HOURS AND HOURS editing when I should have been rewriting, berating myself mercilessly that I’ve had three agents interested and then reject it because of my setup.

I was all, “That’s IT! I’m done. I’m a failure. F%&* it!”

And then I recalled the part of her email that said if I wanted to rework it, to be free to come back her way.

That, my friend, is an R&R.

So, putting the quote on my wall into action – “To get what you want, you have to do what it takes” – I pulled myself up and IMMEDIATELY started drafting up notes about how I can get [my characters] to connect.

And I think I’ve got it.

Here we go again …

Yep, I'm back to the rewriting stage, but I'm excited about it. And I can't regret the path I took in submitting this project as is, because I may not have come up with the same rewrite notes six or seven months ago when I embarked on my fifth edit. Plus, if I had submitted without mentioning the feedback, chances are I would have received the same feedback again and a closed door. As it is, I have an invitation not just to re-query, but to resubmit.

I responded to the agent with the following:

Thanks for your message, ((agent name)). I was afraid that would happen, but I just couldn't, with good conscience, not mention the feedback I'd recently received.

 

I hope to query you with an updated version in the months ahead.

 

Warm regards,

 

To which she replied, "Take your time. Would love to see when done!"

 

I've been letting things simmer for a bit, jotting down notes and scenarios as they pop into my head, and I think I'm finally ready to jump in. I'm hoping the rewrite goes as smoothly as it's been going in my head (HA!).

 

It's out!

Whew! I finally got my full submitted. I wish I could relax, but right now I'm a nervous wreck. Because I was honest with this agent about some feedback I received, and I'm so worried that she'll change her mind.

But honesty's the best policy, right? RIGHT?

Ugh.

What I was afraid of was that I'd keep quiet about the agent feedback and send out the full and then receive the same feedback and the door would shut and that'd be that.

What I was hoping was that this agent would still read my ms, and if she ends up agreeing with the other agents, she might respond with an R&R rather than a flat-out rejection.

But what do I know!?

I'm sick to my stomach that I may have possibly given this agent an out before she's even read one word.

The nice thing is that she followed up with me regarding her initial request, and I told her I was editing based on a comment an agent just made (he had my first three chapters and synopsis). She was fine with waiting. I felt that the follow-up was a good sign. Have I just blown it now? WITH HONESTY?!

Or should I have just taken the agents' advice and simply revised the ms? Well, I might have, but I got the second feedback two days after I got the full request. I really wasn't sure how to handle it.

Obviously.

There's nothing I can do right now, so I should just sign off and get some sleep. If she passes, she passes, and I'll know there's a flaw in my ms that is going to continue to keep it from getting repped. If she still decides to give it a read, I'll do a happy dance and chill the heck out!

Oh, and those five emails that I'd been ignoring? They became 13 by the time I read them. One was the follow-up from the agent who now has my full, three were newsletters (two from agencies, one from WD), and the rest were rejections. But I must say, this was the NICEST group of rejections I think I've ever gotten. I'll share tidbits another time; right now I need to get away from the computer and breathe.

Wish me luck!!